Caravan
Liza Bambanek
The Valiant and caravan trundle along the wild and untamed Kaikoura Coastline on the northeastern shore of the South Island.

The longest day ever.

On the flight to LA, we meet Shane, the New Zealand outfitter, who tells us about pig sticking. Three dogs: one sniffs out, the second chases, the third corners the pig and latches onto its nose while he (Shane) runs from uphill and sticks it with a knife in the heart. Total loud chaos.

Also learned about dags, old sheilas, hard cases and other pet names for women.

Tried unsuccessfully, despite lipstick and lash lashings, to get us upgraded to Business Class.

Arrive 5:30 a.m., just in time to start diva hunting.

***

First night here, we’re heading home from dinner and we’re annoyed to see the block surrounded by fire trucks. A few steps closer and we see smoke pouring from our hotel…our floor…my room.

Not my fault! It was one of those funky Kiwi do-it-yourself, start-itself stoves. I got surrounded by hotel security fellows who gave me the full-on good cop/bad cop let’s-make-the-girl-cry routine. It almost worked. I lost everything, including my black polyester Wranglers and the journal where I write caffeine-induced epiphanies.

No time for shopping…I’ll borrow a shirt from [photog] Liza as we’re loaded up with divas for the next few days.

***

Met with Marilyn Waring, mega femo-economist, in my one surviving smoky thermal top, which was real nice on the 90-degree goat farm. She was a bit camera-shy, but actually a big personality with matter-o-fact divaness…which I’m beginning to see is the norm here. She’s pals with Abzug, Steinem, the whole first order of feministo…

Now, however, she has no interest in dealing with the wankers in electoral politics and prefers the goats — even though you can only stay out in the sun for about 12 minutes before you exceed your daily UV ray quotient. Folks are much more conscious about all things ozone here and the sun is vicious.

Called home about insurance for the fire only to hear about the big earthquake in Seattle! Ouch. Hope natural disasters aren’t to become a theme…

Feel kind of bored about Auckland and looking forward to caravaning. 

Destinations: New Zealand

Destination Auckland

A Raging Start



by Holly


our web editrix extracted my personal journal from me upon returning from the shoots. so herewith, are the ramblings of an often very tired whiney git. unfortunately she took out all the sexual exploits and most of the minor felonies.
—holly

Editor’s note: The missing excerpts from this journal by Divas’ director & creative heavy Holly Morris are available for a modest fee.

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